


dream about that casual touch

by Leodine



Series: that au where will has powers and everyone is gay [2]
Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: Coming Out, Confused Mike Wheeler, Fluff and Angst, Friendship, M/M, Mike Wheeler Loves Will Byers, Mike Wheeler-Centric, Period-Typical Homophobia, Pre-Relationship, hints of elmax in the background
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-26
Updated: 2020-01-26
Packaged: 2021-02-24 23:27:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,187
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22422466
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Leodine/pseuds/Leodine
Summary: It all starts with dreams.Mike is used to having dreams about his friends, but these dreams are... different. Maybe a good different. He just doesn't want to think about them too much.
Relationships: Eleven | Jane Hopper & Mike Wheeler, Maxine "Max" Mayfield & Mike Wheeler, Mike Wheeler & Nancy Wheeler, Robin Buckley & Steve Harrington & Mike Wheeler, Will Byers/Mike Wheeler
Series: that au where will has powers and everyone is gay [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1613599
Comments: 4
Kudos: 115





	dream about that casual touch

**Author's Note:**

> Exploring friendships with Mike! He discovers he has people he can count on and something new about himself. Dreams are kind of nice.

It all starts with dreams.

It’s the summer of 1986 and Mike has officially survived his first year of high school. He hangs out as much as he can with Lucas, Dustin and Max, occasionally with Steve, Robin and Nancy.

They’re all trying to wrap their heads around the fact that the Byers won’t come here for the summer. Mike doesn’t know what kind of excuse has been made this time and frankly, he doesn’t care.

(He does)

He’s been calling El almost everyday, and Nancy has been doing the same with Jonathan. They are both talking about money being sparse, about Joyce working extra hours and Jonathan helping as much as he can, about Will and El trying to earn money whenever it’s possible – that part was given by Jonathan, and Mike was fairly sure Joyce wouldn’t have allowed her two youngest to do that if she knew.

It’s tough for them and Mike knows he shouldn’t be mad about it. But he’s still bitter.

Will is avoiding him. He hasn’t talked to him in a while and at first Mike thought it was just because he was busy. Now, Mike knows Will specifically does not talk to him, because he’s been talking to the others. To Lucas, Dustin, even Max – the betrayal stings. Granted, he doesn’t talk to them everyday, but it’s better than what Mike gets. Which is nothing.

Mike doesn’t know why Will has suddenly decided to not talk to him anymore. He’s scared it’s because of what had happened the year before, but Mike is sure Will has forgiven him. They were planning a D&D campaign together, for God’s sake! And Will was excited about it. Mike hopes whatever is going on will pass.

His friends don’t mention Will that much anymore, as if Mike is the one angry with him. But at least it helps with the jealousy and the sadness that rear their ugly heads whenever he remembers that he cannot talk to Will.

He has tried to get him through El – or at least talk about him – but she never gives the phone to Will, probably because he isn’t there or just doesn’t want her to, and she never says a lot about him, besides very impersonal things. Mike knows they have gotten closer, because whenever she mentions him her voice is fond, full of affection. But he doesn’t know much more.

It’s frustrating and Mike cannot really stop thinking about Will. He misses him – a lot – and he’s confused and angry.

That’s when the dreams start.

Now, Mike is used to dreaming about his friends, rather often even, and they always entail some sort of adventure or chill day. With the years, other people have been added, like El, with dreams that sometimes make him blush, and Max, where they bicker even when he sleeps.

The last time he saw Will was Thanksgiving, so the Will starring in his dreams often looks like this. His eternal bowl cut, his fall clothes, his wide hazel eyes with shadows getting lighter underneath them. In his dreams, Will always looks at bit off, his eyes greener than what Mike remembers; he is always surrounded by some kind of light that was never present in Hawkins.

Will in his dreams smiles more than the real one has since he had been to the Upside Down. It hurts Mike every time he wakes up, when he realizes that the happy Will he had seen was not real.

The first dreams are rather normal despite the few odd details. They’re playing the D&D campaign Mike and Will had been planning, and everyone is having fun. Will is right next to him, mischievously narrating the consequences of Max’s careless action. She’s rolling her eyes but she’s also smiling, and El is giggling, her head on Max’s shoulder. Steve and Robin are playing the same character because while Robin has already played before – which is awesome – Steve doesn’t feel up to the challenge of playing all alone, and they end up being a bumbling idiot duo. Dustin and Lucas are arguing about what the next move should be. Will is silently judging them, a small smile lighting up his features, and Mike feels so much at the same time. Will turns to him, catches his eyes and his smile widens; Mike’s heart skips a beat.

He wakes up then, a bit groggy, slowly realizing that what had happened was just a dream, not a memory. He kicks his bedsheets in frustration and leaves his bed. His mom is behind the door when he opens it, a concerned frown on her face.

“Did you have another nightmare?” She asks. Yeah, the nightmares. Seems like having lost two of the most important people in his life too many times did that to his brain. Mike hates those. But he shakes his head.

“Just a dream, a good one,” he smiles. He’s been trying to be better to his mom these past months. It’s not always enough, but she has been a huge help since the Byers moved, and Mike wants her to know he’s grateful for that.

“I’m glad,” she says. “Breakfast is ready. You’ve overslept a little, but I saved waffles for you.” She goes down the stairs after sending him a last gentle look. Mike almost bumps into Nancy while shuffling out of his room and bites back a mean retort. His sister raises her eyebrows at him and moves her head sharply to tell him to move. She’s going to the bathroom, and Mike is in the way. He steps asides with a mumbled apology.

Those mornings have become a bit of a habit now. Everything is quieter in the Wheeler’s house, because they’re all waiting for phone calls, some that are sure to come, others that have become rare occurrences.

This morning, Mike makes sure to appreciate his breakfast and his time with his mom, Holly and Nancy. His dad is away at work already, making the day a bit more bearable.

Mike cannot forget the smile on Will’s face and hopes to dream more of those blissful times.

The next few dreams are different from usual. There is one where Mike and Will are still doing the campaign, but Will’s smiles are more personal, more intense and his eyes – so green – are almost always focused on Mike’s, to the point where it flusters him. No one seems to notice, or they say nothing. Will’s hand brushes over Mike’s every now and then, and he’s painfully aware of that fact each time it happens. Before his dream self has even formed the thought of taking that hand for himself, Mike wakes up.

Waking up always entails a feeling of helplessness, of muted anger caused by Mike’s inability to have what he wants.

Now, however, Mike is sitting in the dark, his eyes wide and cheeks warm; he knows his face is mirroring the shy smiles that Will only directed towards him in the dreams.

But he shakes off the last hazed remains of his dream, and the day goes on, without the smiles full of secrets from Will Byers.

Another dream strays further from what Mike knows; this time, they’re at the Byers’ – in their new house. Mike is climbing the stairs quickly, thinking his steps will lead him to El’s bedroom. But Will opens the door to his, and invites Mike in, grabbing his hand. They sit on his bed and talk about everything. Will misses him, he admits. He’s still holding Mike’s hand, playing with his fingers.

Will suddenly inches closer. He’s looking at Mike with his impossibly green eyes and the next thing he knows, Will hugs him. His head rests on Mike’s shoulder. Mike hugs him back, feeling the heat of his body, how real he is.

But as always, he wakes up, his arms empty and his heart hollow. It’s unfair, and if Mike sheds a few tears after that it’s quite alright.

When Mike notices the dream have become a common occurrence, it’s already too late. It’s the end of June, Dustin has gone to his summer camp to see Suzie again, and Lucas and Max have broken up for what seems like the umpteenth time.

Everyone has other things to care about, and Mike’s dreams are probably not on their list. He brings them up to Lucas one day when they’re hanging out in his basement. Max is not coming until later, and he figures, it cannot hurt to have the opinion of his very logical friend.

“Say, Lucas,” he tries when there’s a lull in the conversation.

Lucas focuses his attention on him. “What?” He’s looking just a tad curious, because until then their discussion had been fairly natural, and Mike is definitively being awkward.

“What do dreams mean?” Mike says, and okay, maybe he should have been a bit clearer because Lucas is now looking at him like he’s a child.

“Why don’t you go straight to the point, Mike?” He says, half encouraging half urgent.

“Okay but you have to promise me not to tell anyone else.”

“Do you expect me to spit and shake your hand?” Lucas asks, a bit mocking.

Mike is almost tempted to remind him how he actually did that himself not so long ago – alright, almost three years ago. “No, just. Never mind. Don’t tell anyone please.”

“Sure. So what’s happening to you?”

“I’ve been having those dreams and I don’t… I don’t really know what they mean. Do you think dreams can,” Mike searches for a word that conveys what he’s feeling, “have a deeper meaning? Like it can reveal what you really want in life or something?”

Lucas is scrutinizing him. “Can you elaborate? Because in the last dream I had was a pinata so definitely not a deeper meaning.”

“I don’t-” Mike starts, but Lucas stops him with a raised hand, looking triumphant.

“Ah! I know! Is it because you’ve started dreaming of another girl?” He says, a knowing smirk on his lips. “In this case man, I can’t really help you. You might have a crush, you might be getting tired of El-”

“No, that’s not it,” Mike snaps. “I love El, this is not about her, it’s-”

“Okay okay, I get it.” Lucas pauses, looking at Mike thoughtfully. “Is it about Will, then?”

Mike feels himself flush. “I- yes. I’ve been dreaming about him.”

Whatever conclusion Lucas comes to, Mike is glad it does not include the shy smiles and hand holding he’s seen in his sleep. “You’ve been dreaming about him being back in Hawkins?”

“Yes, in Hawkins, and we’re all playing together, and he’s happy, or even me visiting him and we’re talking about our lives.” Mike notices he’s upset. He closes his eyes and groans, because Lucas does not need to see him tear up over something so stupid.

“You miss him, Mike. That’s completely normal.” Lucas puts his hand on Mike’s shoulder and squeezes. “I do get dreams about Will too. Dreams where I actually paid attention to his campaign back when he was still here, dreams where we all go to the swimming pool and have fun together.”

Mike wants to laugh because he’s certain Lucas’ dreams are not like his. “Yeah,” he says. He opens his eyes and sees Lucas’ smile, and maybe he’s right. Maybe Mike is just missing Will, and all will be better when Will finally talks to him, or when he sees him again.

Max arrives some time after, and Mike tries his best to take Lucas’ words to heart.

It does not work.

It doesn’t work because it’s July now, and Will still isn’t talking to him. Dustin is coming back soon. Mike’s dreams are getting worse.

Worse might not be the right term. They weren’t bad in the first place. They’re just getting harder to ignore.

Mike is preparing another welcome party for Dustin with Lucas, Max, Steve and Robin – Erica being also there but pretending she does not know them – when a memory of his latest dream hits hard. Mike feels his cheeks warm up. No one seems to notice, except Max who just throws him a judging look.

“Can you stop thinking about whatever thoughts you’re having and help us?” She’s pointing at his hands who have stopped writing on the cardboard. Mike did not think he would get that distracted, but at the same time he couldn’t help it.

They had kissed.

In the dream, of course, but Will and he had kissed. It had been a soft touch of their lips, but Mike just couldn’t stop thinking about it. This has never happened to him, and he knows he isn’t… gay. He just isn’t. He has a girlfriend, and despite all of his weird quirks he is normal in that aspect, thank you very much.

He still feels a pang of guilt because well. It’s not like being… gay is a bad thing. It just isn’t his, and couldn’t he want to have some semblance of regular feelings with everything that had happened to him?

He lets out a loud groan, startling the others.

“Man, if you need a break you can take it,” Lucas tells him, looking a bit concerned.

“You’re not really helping anyway, go cool down or something,” Max adds. She also seems worried.

Mike follows their advice and excuses himself from the room. He catches Steve looking at him curiously, and hears, as he climbs the stairs, Erica ask Lucas in a hushed voice that was loud enough for him to understand “what is up with your nerd friend anyway?” with a following “shut up Erica,” from her brother.

Mike walks to the kitchen, his head full of thoughts he does not want. He takes a glass out of a cupboard, looking for something to drink. He settles on a glass of cold milk and sighs after drinking his first sip.

Their kiss had been soft. They were in Will’s room – the new one – just hanging out, doing what Mike had missed. Will was especially talkative, mentioning new friends, how he missed Hawkins, how he was adjusting to a new sibling and another leaving for college. How his mom was worrying him. And then, naturally, he tells Mike he’s missed him. He’s looking at him, taking his hand, his fingers warm around Mike’s own. Mike is always scared he would forget Will’s features now, but in the dream they’re sharp, detailed. It’s almost unnatural.

Mike notices Will has gotten closer. He doesn’t know what to do, opens his mouth to ask what’s going on. Will’s lips are on him, soft, warm, heavenly. It’s a completely innocent kiss, with Will letting go and looking at Mike with a loving smile. But it’s enough to change everything.

This time, when Mike wakes up, he cannot ignore the monster growing in his chest. He wants to, but it hurts.

Deep in his thoughts, Mike doesn’t notice Steve of all people sneak up on him. Well he wasn’t sneaking up, but it feels quite the same when he speaks, and Mike jumps out of his skin.

“Wheeler, you’re doing okay?” Steve tries, looking a bit awkward. It’s not like they aren’t friends, but there are still memories hanging in the air, of Steve dating Nancy, of him being an asshole years ago. Mike doesn’t care, not anymore. Sometimes it simply all comes back to them.

“Yeah,” Mike says, knowing he isn’t convincing.

“Lucas and Max told me you were dealing with a lot of shit these days.” Steve looks apologetic.

Mike scoffs; maybe they are right, but what kind of bullshit is that anyway. Why is Steve there, trying to comfort him when he doesn’t even know about what’s causing him pain. Mike freezes. If he knew, Steve wouldn’t be so kind. He used to be a bully, and he might have changed his ways, but was he okay with boys dreaming of kissing other boys?

Even if it doesn’t mean anything.

(or does it?)

“Okay, I can see what they were talking about.” Steve is still there, Mike notes absently. “Listen, if you don’t want to talk to me, it’s fine, but can you at least try to confide in someone? I think you need it.”

Steve is probably right. Mike nods. “Alright, I’ll do that.” He expects Steve to leave the kitchen, but he stays with him, busying himself with cleaning stuff that is spotless. The awkwardness is slowly seeping away, but Mike keeps his walls up.

When he finally decides he’s okay enough to join the others in the basement, Steve gives him a small smile and follows him down to where their friends are. Mike still is considering what he has said.

The someone Mike decides to share his dreams with happens to be a completely unexpected person.

Dustin is back, and they all hang out a couple of times until Mike feels a bit too guilty to be with them without saying anything. After all, Will is haunting him and yet absent from his life.

But who would understand? Mike loves Dustin and Lucas, yet he doesn’t know if he wants them to know about what he has been dreaming about.

His choice becomes clear enough when he finds Max in front of his house one day. She looks like she’s been crying, and he lets her in, down the stairs to the basement. They have a quieter friendship than the ones he has with Lucas and Dustin, but Mike trusts her, and he’s glad to see she trusts him.

Max stays silent for a while; Mike fetches her a glass of juice, and some snacks from upstairs. She accepts them but doesn’t open her mouth once.

Mike tries. “How are you feeling?” He isn’t really aware of what is happening in her life. He feels guilty for not knowing.

She lies down on the couch, her arm obscuring her eyes. “Just. Ugh. I don’t even know why I came here out of all places but…” Her voice is wobbly. “I want someone I can’t have and it hurts.”

Mike doesn’t expect that. Max and Lucas hadn’t gone back together since their last breakup, yes, but to Mike it didn’t mean they wouldn’t at some point. He realizes just how little he had understood from their situation.

Max’s words resonate strangely within him. He finds that he feels the same, or at least that her words reflect what he’s been feeling the best. This scares him.

“What do you mean you can’t have?” He asks, sitting close, but not too close to her.

“You wouldn’t get it,” she says sharply. And Mike almost wants to tell her he gets it. Even if he doesn’t quite understand what he gets.

“If you want to tell me you can.”

Max lets down her arm from her eyes. “Neil had been an ass lately. Not that he isn’t usually,” she lets out a bitter laugh, “but these days he’s been awful.” She looks like she’s about to cry again, but she stubbornly fixes her eyes on the ceiling. “It’s not helping me.”

“Okay,” Mike says. He is aware of Max’s stepfather being abusive, and he knows that Billy used to be the target of his violence. “Is he…?”

Max shakes her head. “It’s mostly just words now. He… I know he… my mom,” she hiccups then, and shuts her eyes tightly. “But not me. Not yet.”

Mike shuffles closer to her but doesn’t dare make a gesture of comfort. “Do you need to avoid home for a while? You could crash here you know.”

Max looks at him. “Thanks, Mike, but I don’t think I can. Unless Neil decides I really need to spend more time with a boy. He didn’t like Lucas,” she winces, “but now I feel like he dislikes even more what me being single for too long might imply.”

“And your mom?”

“If she disagrees with him, she doesn’t show it.”

Mike mulls over what she has just said. “What would you being single for too long imply?”

Max pinches her lips. “Neil used to say Billy was…” she exhales, visibly struggling to say the word, “was a fag because he took care of his appearance and didn’t have any stable relationship. I was never close to him to the point where I knew what was going on with his life but Neil is doing the same now, implying it at least and I know,” her eyes are full of tears when they meet Mike’s again, “I know he’s right about me.”

That is a lot of information, and Mike knows Max needs his support and acceptance, but he realizes several things at once, and his mouth runs off before he can stop himself. “But you liked Lucas?” He tries, then groans. “I’m so sorry, I- I mean, thank you for trusting me and telling me. I- I’m still trying to get what’s happening but for what’s worth, I support you.”

Max raises her eyebrow at him. She’s still lying down, but she looks tense, ready to bolt.

“There’s no problem. You like girls? So what? That’s your right,” Mike adds, feeling weirdly passionate about what he was saying. “Fuck what everyone says.”

Max finally smiles and visibly relaxes. “Don’t overdo it, Wheeler.” She finally looks like she feels better about herself. She sits down, her hands resting on her thighs. “About Lucas, well. I like him. But not the way he does. I’ve tried, you know, but it got really hard and he noticed.” Her smile grows sadder. “We both decided it was better if we just broke up.”

“Does he… does he know?” Mike says.

“Well, he knows something is up with me, but he doesn’t know I like girls. And even less that I only like girls.”

“Only?” Mike repeats. “You can like more than girls?”

“Yeah. You can like both. I personally don’t. I thought I did but turns out I had been lying to myself all this time.”

“How do you know all of that?”

“You’re the first to know in the Party, but I talked to other people before that.” Max looks a bit guilty.

“Who?”

“Does it really matter?” She studies him for a short moment, and before Mike can answer she says: “Do you want to talk to them?”

Mike wants to shake his head. He is different from her. He’s not queer, he knows that. But his body betrays him once more and he nods slowly. “I’m having dreams.”

Max’s face settled on a confused frown. “What do you mean?”

“I’ve been dreaming about… someone.” Mike closes his eyes, scared to see her reaction. “A boy.”

“Okay,” Max says quietly. Mike dares to look at her. She’s smiling at him, her eyes alight with kinship. She knows.

“They’re not… normal dreams. I dream about,” Mike nervously bites the insides of his cheeks, “kissing him, and him looking at me with love and us being together.”

Max nods. “Okay. And you like that boy, in real life?”

Mike laughs. “Yes. I mean, he’s one of the most important people in my life.”

“Oh.” Max knows now, and it feels so wrong, yet Mike is relieved, like a weight has been lifted off his shoulders.

“Yeah, I’m messed up, aren’t I? Who falls for their best friend?”

Max looks at him funny. “A lot of people actually.”

“Well, you know what I mean.”

“I do, and it doesn’t mean you’re messed up. If you think you are, you should see who I’ve fallen for,” Max says. She’s avoiding his eyes, looking even guiltier.

Mike feels like he’s finally getting it. “Why did you tell me out of everyone?”

“I don’t know, okay? I thought Lucas needed a break from my bullshit and Dustin is all happy in girlfriend land and-”

“And I’m not.” He meant it as a question, but the words leaving his mouth sound pretty definitive.

“Well that’s not what I’m say- wait. You and El, you…?” She trails off, a look Mike doesn’t quite figure out appearing on her face then vanishing immediately.

“We’re still together,” Mike answers, “but… I don’t know. Should I tell her I am having dreams about my best friend who is also her brother?”

Max sighs. “Well you don’t have to. But you also don’t have to stay with her if you don’t want to. I’m not saying it’s an easy decision to make, plus I might not be the best person to talk to about that.” She looks at sheepishly at that.

“What do you mean?” Mike really ponders what she said. She likes a girl she cannot have. Max doesn’t have that many friends who are girls, and only one who is close to her. His girlfriend. “Oh,” he says, and laughs after realizing he’s reacting in the same way Max had.

“Yeah, oh,” she says, laughing with him. Maybe they’re both messed up, the situation being not even remotely funny. But Mike feels a little better about himself, and he knows Max does as well. They’re sharing something different, something that brings them closer than before.

It occurs to him that he should be angry; that’s how things usually go in the movies. Max has admitted that she likes El. It should make him furious. He should be telling her to stay away from his girlfriend and calling her names. But there is no anger. He knows El likes Max a lot, too. He knows the girls are close. He’s even envious of their proximity, because it’s something that he cannot have anymore with Will.

“I think I have a lot of thinking to do,” Mike finally says after the laughter has died down.

“Welcome to the club.” Max looks at him for a moment, her lips pinched in thought. “If you wanna have a little bit of help thinking, I can introduce you to the people I’ve talked to.”

Mike thinks about it. “I’d really like that, actually,” he ends up saying.

“Great! What about tomorrow? I can pick you up and then we go meet them. How does that sound?”

Tomorrow is so close and, Mike realizes, scary. But he nods, accepting whatever deal he and Max had made. She smiles at him, a somewhat muted expression. He remembers.

“Are you going to be okay? At home?” He still wants to offer the shelter of his, because despite his father, he knows his family is better than Max’s.

“Yes, of course.” Max rolls her eyes, but her smile widens. “Thank you, Mike. For listening. For getting it.” She takes his hand in hers and squeezes it, gratitude washing over her face. Then, she stands up. Mike naturally follows, intent on trying to make her stay. “I need to go now. I’m sorry for overstaying my welcome.”

“You were only there for like, half an hour, that’s not-”

“I still need to go. Thank you again. I’ll see you tomorrow.” She sends him a last smile and shoots up the stairs, her fiery red hair moving in a blur behind her. And then she’s gone.

Mike regrets, very deeply, that he had never made the effort of being truly friends with her before. He feels petty, like an idiot. Because Max is awesome.

He informs Lucas and Dustin of that fact over the Supercom, as a clumsy way of apologizing for being such a dick about letting her into the Party. He had apologized before, but this time felt truer, like he meant it now. Lucas just laughs: “About time you realized.” He doesn’t sound bitter about him mentioning Max, and Mike admires his maturity, especially when he does not know everything.

Dustin is a bit more inquisitive. “What made you realize that?”

“It’s just… We finally talked. About things. Just the two of us.” It felt nice, he almost wants to say, but he lets his friends hear it in his voice.

Max is at his door the next day, skateboard at her feet, her arms crossed over her chest. “Hello, Wheeler,” she greets when he comes out the front door.

“Hey, Max.” She looks less vulnerable than the day before, but he notices her face is more open nonetheless. She’s excited about something. He takes his bike, getting ready to pedal. “You’re sure about you going on that skate?”

“I came here on that skate, Mike,” she deadpans. “I’ll be fine.” She starts off, getting a good margin of feet ahead of him, but Mike follows suit and soon enough they find a nice pace.

They ride quietly through familiar streets, until they take a turn at an intersection and Mike knows where they’re going, even though it’s a part of town he’s never really been to. They’re closer to Will’s old place, and Hawkins lab, but the house that stands at the end of the street is one he has never visited.

“Harrington’s place?” He asks as he puts his bike against the wall.

“Yeah,” Max says. She hides her skateboard a little less in plain sight than Mike and wipes her hand on her shorts. “Steve’s cool.”

“You’ve been talking to him about… your feelings?”

“Not just him but yes. They understand.”

“Who else is there?” Mike asks but he kind of already knows. Steve and Robin are always together, which makes them seem like they are dating, even if they swear they are not. Still, they are most likely the best of friends, and if Mike hadn’t been a bit awkward with Steve, he would have been truly happy for him.

The door opens before Max can enlighten him, and they are greeted by Robin’s bored face. “Hello, children,” she says. “Come in.” She lets them in, turns back towards the living room. “Dingus, your children are here!”

“Come on Robin, they’re yours as well, don’t try to-” Steve arrives in the hallway, looking a bit disconcerted. “Oh, hey Max, Mike. I wasn’t expecting…” He looks at Mike like he is not to be trusted, then at Robin, who just shrugs.

“It’s okay,” Max says. “He knows about me, and he was really cool with it.”

Mike realizes for the first time that this is the safe space, the people Max talked to about figuring out her sexuality. He feels a bit overwhelmed. “Uh, yes. I’m… I came here because I also had questions…?”

Robin puts her arm around Max’s shoulders and brings them towards the living room. “Come in, come in, this is a friendly space,” she says, her tone only slightly dead but still very genuine.

“Max told me you guys helped her with… her feelings?” Mike tries, once they’re sitting on the couch with glasses of juice in front of them. Well, sitting is a big word, because Steve is slouched on an armchair, his feet dangling off the side, his head on the other, and Robin is sitting upside down on the couch. They’re definitely weird. Max is the one who sits the most normally, and she has her feet on the table. He feels awfully out of place.

“Feelings is one way to put it,” Robin says. “It’s a bit more than that.”

“Like, I have feelings for El,” Max explains sheepishly, and once again, Mike is surprised by the lack of jealousy he feels. “But I also know I only have feelings for girls, and that I don’t like boys the way I should. I feel like… I could… I don’t know, I might sound really dumb, but I feel like even if I liked El, I would have approached the situation differently if I also liked boys. You get what I mean?”

Steve, surprisingly, chimes in. “I totally get what you mean. If you like both, you can delude yourself a bit more easily that you’re normal.”

“Um,” Mike says. His hands are clammy against his shorts.

Robin looks up. “Let’s get you up to speed. I like girls,” she says, her voice steady – too steady even, “like Max here.”

“Only girls?” Mike says.

“Yes, only girls. Guys are just… not my thing.”

“And I,” Steve adds, not looking at anyone, “like both.”

“Both?” Mike repeats, feeling even less like he belongs. He had thought that since Steve had been King Steve, a douche and his sister’s boyfriend, he wouldn’t be… different.

“Girls,” Steve breathes in, “and boys.” It’s quiet after what he’s said.

“Wow dingus, we’ve officially come out to three of your children. It’s insane.”

“Tell me about it,” Steve says tiredly.

“We’re among the only ones who know?” Mike asks. He feels dizzy with that knowledge. He doesn’t want to have that much power over anyone. It feels wrong, knowing that he knows their secret, one that only Max is aware of. “Dustin isn’t…?”

“I mean… We weren’t planning on telling anyone, but Max came one day, and she told us about her. A brave kid.” Robin sounds really proud, and she’s smiling at Max who smiles back.

“I knew I could trust Robin,” Max explains. “We’ve been talking a lot since… Starcourt.”

“Okay.” Mike stays silent, contemplating what he could say to add to this pot of secrets. He closes his eyes, his hands clenched over his thighs. “I’ve been having dreams about Will,” he almost shouts. Opening his eyes, he sees that everyone’s attention is on him, and he blushes.

“Dreams?” Steve repeats.

“That’s why I’ve been… weird lately. I- It’s just… I like him a lot, you know?” They all nod. “But I never considered that I was… that it was possible to like him that way,” he bites his lip. “But now whenever I close my eyes I see us and we’re kissing and-” His voice breaks a little, and Steve’s up, rubbing soothing circles on his arm. Max has her hand on his shoulder, and Robin leaves her weird position to crouch in front of him, eyes kind.

“You’re okay, Mike,” Steve says. “It’s okay.”

Mike realizes he’s crying, and he groans. “That’s embarrassing,” he says, a mirthless laugh leaving his lips.

“Nah,” Max tells him. “You should have seen me when I realized I liked El. I was messed up.”

“She was,” Robin agrees sagely.

“But Will hates me,” Mike says helplessly. “I know El likes you a lot Max-”

“She’s dating you,” Max reminds him, and Mike shakes his head.

“I know, and that’s something I need to think about, but you _talk_. You share things. Will doesn’t even want to hear about me.”

Robin and Steve share a look.

“Buddy,” Steve starts.

“I don’t think Will hates you,” Robin finishes, a small smile accompanying her words.

“The last time we talked was in April, I know he hates me, but I can’t even apologize, because he doesn’t want to talk to me and I don’t even know what I did wrong this time because he said he forgave me about last year but I might have hurt him despite all that and-”

“Mike! Mike, breathe,” Steve says. “It’s okay. Will doesn’t hate you. You’re his best friend, he’s just… he’s been hurting a lot lately.”

Max nods. Mike’s heart breaks a little upon hearing that Will is hurting, yet he cannot do anything about it. He’s useless.

“Have you been talking to him too?” He asks, the anger and the jealousy he had been waiting for now on full blast. “Why you and not me? Why can’t he talk to me?”

“Shh, calm down Mike,” Steve persists. “I’m sorry, he has talked to us a couple of time, yes. Turns out he’s the third child we came out to.”

Mike is just sad and confused now. “Why isn’t he talking to me about it?” He says, his chest heavy.

“There are things you don’t really want to talk about with people that are… too close to you sometimes,” Robins says. “Like you telling Max and us first instead of talking to Lucas or Dustin or El.”

“Or me coming to you instead of Lucas,” Max adds.

“Or me spending time with you instead of Nancy and Jonathan,” Steve laments, his tone too serious for Mike to feel comfortable about that.

“As if you were close to them,” Robin teases.

“I _wish_ I was!” Steve whines. “They’re just so-”

Mike stands up. “Okay enough of talking about my sister.”

“Shit, I’m sorry, Wheeler, it’s-”

“That’s how he copes,” Robin explains. “It can help you know. Tell us more about Will.”

Mike blushes. “You all know him.”

“Well tell us how you see him then.”

This is getting too embarrassing, even when Mike was prepared for anything – or so he thought. The idea of telling everyone what he could barely form in his mind is scary. Max seems to understand, because she starts talking.

“I can talk about El.” Robin cheers, and Max gives Mike an apologetic look. He smiles at her. “She’s really amazing. So strong, and she sees the world in such a positive light despite everything that happened to her. Sure, we weren’t close at first, but she warmed up to me, and I felt… I don’t know, I felt chosen. So happy to be her friend. I want to make her happy, because when she smiles, she’s the prettiest girl in the room. I love it when we talk over the phone, how patient she can be and how intense she is sometimes. We can talk about anything and she’s never scared of talking about her newfound interests. I love listening to her when she’s passionate about what she’s talking. I miss her,” Max adds, her voice wobbly, “I miss spending time with her, but I know that her being away is for the best.”

Mike finds himself agreeing with everything that she says. El really is amazing.

“She’s so kind, and stubborn, and whatever others say I’d trust her with my life.” Max pauses, blushing. “And I want to protect her too. She’s so used to protect others. I love her so much,” she ends up saying, her eyes misty and her face as red as her hair. Robin’s arms wrap around her, gentle as if to not scare her.

Mike is overwhelmed. This is much too real, feelings they shouldn’t feel and words that never should be.

But he knows what Max is talking about, and he wants to let out some words too. “Will is someone I’ve known basically my whole life. He is my best friend, maybe in ways the others aren’t, I don’t know. I just can’t imagine my life without him. Having him away is more painful that I thought it’d be, and he’s… he’s not talking to me anymore. It hurts.” Mike closes his eyes briefly, trying to find some sense in what he is saying. “I want him to be happy. And I thought our friendship was supposed to manifest itself in a certain way, but now I imagine him smiling at me in a way I haven’t seen in… in years,” his throat clenches painfully, “and he holds me close and he’s okay, we’re okay, and even if we aren’t we are together and… and I want to see him happy like that, I do. But I can’t, because he’s away, and he won’t talk to me, and I miss him so much it hurts.” He’s crying again, feeling even more like a child. But isn’t that the point? Will makes him feel like a child, too emotional, too sensitive. He’s made him feel the happiest, but also the saddest. His emotions should never get the best of him.

“Mike,” Max’s voice comes to his ears; she has left Robin’s arms and she’s holding his hand now. She looks like she understands. They all do. “It’s okay. We can talk about something else if you want to.”

Mike nods slowly. Talking about Will does feel bad now, and not because he is mad at Will. He wants to see him.

As the day progresses, they take a break from romance altogether and hang out at the pool in Steve’s house. It’s well managed, and Mike is truly having fun for the first time in the summer. He and Max start a splashing battle while Steve and Robin are trying to… drown each other. It’s good.

Mike tries not to think too much about the fluttering feeling in his chest whenever images and memories of Will cross his mind.

There comes a time when Mike needs to confront himself and talk to El. He owes it to her. To Max, too. To himself.

He calls the Byers’ house one day in early August, his hands shaking.

Jonathan answers. “Hello, Byers’ residence?”

“Hi, Jonathan, it’s Mike!” Mike tries to ignore just how much he doesn’t sound like himself. He fails.

“Oh, hi Mike. How are you?”

“I’m good! How have you been?”

“Good too. Do you want to talk to El?”

The conversation is stifled, and Mike feels guilty for it. He used to only talk to Will and El before, and now he only talks to El. Jonathan must know what’s going on. He probably judges him for it too.

“Hum. Yeah. But can I ask you something first?”

“Of course, buddy.” Jonathan’s voice holds a question in it. Mike knows he deserves it.

“It’s about Will.” He doesn’t miss the sharp inhale at the other end of the line. “How is he? We haven’t been talking and I… I miss him.” Mike’s voice cracks at the end of his sentence, and he feels like shit.

“Mike… I’m sorry,” Jonathan says. “Will is okay. He’s been feeling down lately but he’s getting better. I can’t talk about it, however, so-”

“It’s okay,” Mike rushes out. “I’m glad to know he’s feeling better, I just… I…” He trails off, his eyes already too wet.

“I really want you guys to make up. But I can’t force him to talk to you. He’s being really stubborn.”

“Is he angry at me?”

Jonathan huffs out a laugh. “No, Mike he’s not mad at you.” Relief washes over him. “I think he’s angry at himself. He shouldn’t be, I know,” Jonathan says before Mike can add his two cents about how Will is great and shouldn’t feel like that, “but he is.”

“Okay. Thank you, Jonathan.” Mike means it, wholly.

“No problem. You’re a great friend, Mike, and we all know it; Will included. Things will mend, even if it takes time.”

Ah. A friend. Mike’s face burns with shame. Jonathan wouldn’t say that if he knew what kind of dreams Mike has about his little brother. Then again, he’s dating Nancy, so Mike feels vindicated somehow. It doesn’t erase the shame, but it eases it.

“Thank you,” Mike repeats.

“El’s here, I’ll talk to you later, alright?”

“Yes.”

El’s voice on the phone is a welcome thing. He has been avoiding this talk for a while, and the past few weeks were just him rambling about the latest D&D game or summer or anything other than feelings. He can’t avoid this forever.

“Hi, Mike,” she says.

“Hey, El!” He’s overly enthusiastic. He brings it back down; El always seems to know when he lies now, which is a curse. “Um. I wanted to talk to you about something.”

“Okay. What is it? Is it about Will?”

Mike winces; it is true that he has been profiting off the fact that El was Will’s sister to get info on him. It doesn’t work, because Will trusts El and she will never betray him, but Mike had needed to know. “No, about us, actually.”

“Us?” And in that question, Mike understands that El is feeling the same as he does: coming out of her mouth, the us doesn’t feel like it exists anymore. She doubts its presence just as much.

“Yes. We haven’t been talking about our feelings lately.”

“Feelings,” El repeats. “You mean us loving each other?”

“Yes, that.”

“Does it need to be redefined?”

Mike doesn’t know whether to be thankful or scared. He settles on uneasiness. “I… I want to talk about that yes. I don’t know… I don’t know if it’s an appropriate discussion over the phone, but I want to be honest with you.”

“Okay. I want to be honest with you too.”

“I don’t think I love you the way I should.” It’s out now. “Not anymore at least.” There is, a tiny voice in his head telling him not ever, but he doesn’t dwell on it too much. That is enough to think about now.

“How you should. You mean as a boyfriend?”

“Yes, as a boyfriend. I feel like I love you as a friend. I love you, a lot, but I don’t… I don’t want to be your boyfriend anymore.”

“Are we breaking up?” El asks. She sounds upset, and Mike understands; he is upset too. He feels like an ass, but he can’t keep lying to her, especially when there are people who can love her a lot better than he does.

“I… I don’t know.”

“I think we should. I don’t love you like that anymore either.” He’s reminded of the last I love you she’d said, at Thanksgiving. Mike never returned any of her I love yous, he realizes. He might be worse than he thought. “You’re really important to me, Mike, but we aren’t good for each other. We feel forced to be together.”

Mike breathes in sharply. How does she know about what he was living through?

“It’s what other people expect of us now. But not what we want.”

“How do you know all that?”

“Max told me.” Of course she did. “She said that society expects us to be together and forget our real feelings. And then we have to pretend we love each other the way we should, and we’re miserable.”

“Are you miserable?” Mike asks worriedly.

“Are you?” El asks back, and Mike realizes that knowing the answer doesn’t make it better. He is sad. He’s sad because he now knows that he has been lying to himself, lying to his girlfriend – ex-girlfriend? – and all for what? So that he could be the Mike everyone wanted him to be? And he’s brought El in this too. She doesn’t deserve any of it.

“I’m sorry.”

“You don’t have to be,” El says.

“I wasn’t the best boyfriend, and I’m not being a good friend either. I hadn’t noticed you were sad too.”

“It’s okay. I didn’t know either. I talked to Max, and… others about it. I know better now. We can go forward, and we don’t have to be sad anymore.”

“You’re right. Can I ask you something?”

“Yes?”

“Do you like Max? Like… would you like to be her girlfriend?”

El is silent for a moment. “Is it bad if I say yes?”

“No, of course not! I just wanted to know. As your friend, you see. I want you to be happy. And Max is really awesome, she’d make you happy.”

“You and Max, you’re good friends now?”

“Yes,” Mike says. “I know now that I was completely unjust to her. She’s really great. I’m glad you have each other.” There is a pinch of sadness in his voice, one that he hasn’t been able to completely smother.

El picks up on it immediately. “You miss Will.”

“I do, yeah.”

“You like him a lot?”

“… I think so.”

“I won’t tell Will about us breaking up,” El says, surprising Mike.

“Why?”

“We never really talk about you anymore,” that stings, “and I think he would use it as a reason to be mad at you. Which is unfair.” El gives him some time to mull it over. “I will get us to be back in Hawkins for Christmas. You can talk to Will there, he won’t be able to avoid you.”

Mike is scared. Christmas is months away, what if Will doesn’t come? What if it gets worse somehow? And he thought Will wasn’t mad at him, but it turns out he is? Mike’s heart is hammering against his chest.

“Calm down, Mike. It’s going to be alright.”

“Is it really?”

“Yes,” El says, and there’s a smile in her voice.

Mike feels better after their breakup. They talk more freely after that, El mentioning she had noticed she liked girls too during the school year, and Mike giving some news about the rest of the Party and minor details about his dreams with Will in it.

“I hope we can all play next time you come, the whole Party finally reunited,” he admits. He feels a shadow of shame for behaving like such a child, but he likes this. He knows it. If growing up means giving up the things that bring him happiness, the people that he loves, then Mike really doesn’t want any part of it.

El agrees, and she feels more grounding than ever. Maybe, Mike muses, this El could have been his girlfriend, and he could have fallen in love with her. But he knows he doesn’t love her, not like that, and his suppositions are just him stalling. It’s scary to think that he is single now, and that he and his ex-girlfriend like people they shouldn’t like.

At least, El likes someone who likes her back.

Mike is, and the realization hurts, in love with someone who doesn’t want anything to do with him. But he’s not going to give up without a fight. He wants Will in his life. He wants him back. All of Will, and it doesn’t matter if Will doesn’t like him back, because what matters the most is being close to him.

Mike passes Nancy room one day in mid-August. She’s preparing for college, and he’s trying to get used to the idea that she won’t be there anymore in just a couple of weeks. He has talked to her, a lot, about her goals and how he’ll deal without her, but she doesn’t know everything.

He thinks, maybe, she can know this.

He knocks on her door, smiling awkwardly when she raises her head.

“Hi,” he says. They don’t spend that much time together – not like he knows Will and Jonathan do, now with the addition of El – and Nancy didn’t have many friends at school. Mike knows she hangs out with Steve and Robin, sometimes, but she probably feels like she’s intruding.

“Hey,” Nancy replies, smiling back. “Do you need something?”

“I just wanted to talk to you.” Mike comes in without asking, because why would he. Nancy doesn’t say anything, she just lets him.

“Okay, what about?” She’s still reading a magazine, probably during a break for her packing. There’s a suitcase full of her things. Mike’s heart gives a little pang at the sight.

“You’re spending your summer alone? I know Jonathan’s your only friend,” Nancy scowls, “but you could have fun with Steve and Robin. They’re neat.”

His sister shakes her head. “Yeah, I’m not very fond of being a third wheel.”

“You wouldn’t be,” Mike says. Nancy raises her eyebrow but doesn’t say anything else.

“What did you want to talk about, anyway?”

Mike’s bravery has all but vanished; where is his confidence when he needs it? He looks down, and that might be the wrong thing to do, because Nancy shifts on her bed, coming closer.

“Mike?” She calls, worried.

“Yeah, uh. El and I broke up.” It was a mutual decision, and honestly, the matters of who had the upper hand don’t matter to him. He needs to get this out.

“Okay,” Nancy says, careful. “I thought you were in love with her?” She’s considering every word, and Mike’s grateful for that. She knows this is a serious conversation.

“Not anymore,” he provides. Not ever, his mind adds, but he doesn’t voice that out.

“Alright. So, when did you realize that? Also, you broke up with her over the phone?”

“ _We_ broke up,” Mike insists, “over the phone. It was a mutual thing.”

“Alright,” Nancy says.

They fall into a tensed silence, with Nancy staring at him, waiting for him to say something.

“I,” Mike breathes out, tears rising, “I like… boys.” The last word is a mere whisper, but Mike knows Nancy heard it, her eyes widening in response. “That’s why El and I broke up.”

His sister considers him; he knows that look. She’s gathered evidence, and she wants to question him, to know whether she came to the right conclusion. Mike feels like she might have. “Will?”

“What about him?” Mike asks, but the heat rising to his cheeks betrays him.

Nancy’s lips quirk in a smirk that stays soft, one that feels like a shared secret. “You like Will, it’s pretty obvious.”

Mike groans. “It’s not that obvious!”

Nancy goes on. “I’m sure he likes you too.”

Shaking his head, Mike refuses her words. “You don’t have to say that, I know Will’s mad at me, and he probably doesn’t even like me.”

Nancy sighs, motioning for him to sit. Mike hesitates, not wanting for the conversation to go on longer, but Nancy’s jaw sets, her gaze hardening.

“Okay, okay,” Mike capitulates, sitting down next to her. It’s been a while since they last did this, maybe longer than he would have liked.

Nancy’s arm goes up around his shoulder. Even when he’s slouching, she’s tiny next to him, but she has a presence, a determination that Mike envies. “Listen. Will’s world doesn’t revolve around you.” Well, that kind of hurts. “Maybe it did at one point, when you were little, or even last year still, who knows. My point is,” she said, steely blue eyes giving into kindness, “he has problems other than you. He’s not mad at you, Mike. You know you did nothing wrong.”

“What if I did? What if I’m losing him because I never apologized and he hates me-”

“He doesn’t hate you. He’s not mad at you. Maybe Will needs some distance. Some time for himself.” Huh, weird. Everyone is telling him the same thing. Mike doesn’t want to take it as a proof that they’re all right. “You’re still friends. He’ll come around.”

“And you’re not… grossed out by the fact I wanna be more than friends with him?”

Nancy shakes her head, smiling. “No, more grossed out by the fact he’s my boyfriend’s brother, but he’s alright. I really like Will, he’s a good kid. I don’t know about you, though,” she ends cheekily.

“Shut up,” Mike says, laughing with her. “I hope I deserve him.”

“Well that’s for him to decide, right?” Nancy stands up, looking down at him. “Now, help me pack some more stuff instead of lounging in my bedroom.”

Mike knows he cannot escape it. Begrudgingly, he helps her, enjoying himself more than he had in a while.

The certitude cements itself as he sees old pictures of Jonathan and Nancy, laughing, kissing, simply being together. He and Will could have that. He has to tell him. He will.

He just needs some time to prepare.

**Author's Note:**

> And here is Mike's POV! It's on a shorter timespan, just for the summer, but it's his own revelation.


End file.
